


Father and Son

by PenelopeR



Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, Ross being a dad., Worry, alternative universe, missing child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24003511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenelopeR/pseuds/PenelopeR
Summary: Jeremy finds out one thing his mum and dad didn't want him to find out.
Relationships: Demelza Carne/Jeremy Poldark, Demelza Carne/Ross Poldark, Drake Carne/Morwenna Chynoweth, Dwight Enys/Caroline Penvenen, Jeremy Poldark/Ross Poldark
Comments: 26
Kudos: 75





	1. Hearts broken.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Genie60](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/gifts).



> Jeremy is one of my favourite characters and after a conversation with Genie60 yesterday I came up with this idea. This is completely alternative universe and from my own mind.

Jeremy knew he shouldn't, but he stood by the door and listened. He knew he would get a real telling off especially from his papa but he stood and listened anyway. 

"Ross," Demelza said seriously, "you know it's a possibility." Ross stood and turned away from her. "I have one son," Ross whispered, "Jeremy, Valentine is George's..." Demelza sighed loudly. "Ross..." Demelza whispered gently, "you know that it's possibility, you know that and I know that..." Ross turned and looked at her. "He looks more like you than Jeremy," Demelza whispered sadly. "Don't," Ross said harshly, "just don't, my son is Jeremy, who I love with all my heart, you know at first I struggled after Julia, I didn't want him." 

Jeremy was confused. What are they talking about, he thought. Valentine. Me. Looks like Papa. He didn't want me. Papa didn't want me. 

"Ross we have to talk about this," Demelza whispered, "I know it hurts you..." Ross turned and looked at her. "Hurts me?" he whispered, "no Demelza, you've got it all wrong, it doesn't hurt me, it angers me... angers me that I put us all in this situation, it should never have happened, I was reckless, and I was stupid and I hurt you... and our son..."

Demelza took his hand and kissed it. "Valentine isn't at fault for that," Demelza whispered, "and now he's lost his mother..." Ross looked at her. "How can your heart be so full of love and compassion after what we did to you?" Ross asked her. "Because it's not Valentines fault," Demelza whispered, "how he came to the world isn't his fault, how can I hate a child, I could never hate a child, it's not in my nature..." 

Jeremy closed his eyes tightly and thought. Valentine. Curly black hair. Brown eyes. George had blonde hair. 

"Say it," Demelza said gently, "and it will make it easier." Ross looked at her. "Valentine is my son," Ross whispered. Demelza looked up at him and nodded. "He is," Demelza whispered. 

Jeremy gasped. He knew what that means. He knows he is a son. And he knew what the word my meant. He learnt that from mama when they did English together. She said to him: "Jeremy I want you read, your papa taught me to read and it was the greatest treasure, now it will be a treasure to teach you. Valentine was his papa's papa too. Pain ripped through him. He turned and went quickly.

____

It was tea time and Demelza sat down and kissed Ross's head as Clowance came running in. "Papa," she said kissing him, "your home..." Ross looked at her and smiled. "I am," Ross said, "I said to Zacky I am going to go home for lunch, I want lunch with my family..." Demelza looked at him and smiled. "Where is your brother?" Demelza asked her. "He went to bed," Clowance said as she took a scone. Prudie came in. "Master Jeremy says he isn't feeling well," Prudie said. Ross looked up worriedly. Any mention of illness took him back to that time he lost his eldest daughter.

Demelza stood up. "I'll go and see him," Demelza whispered, "has he a fever?" Prudie shook her head. "Mite been crying though, eyes red raw like he been chopping onions..." Ross looked at Demelza worriedly. "I'll go and see him," Demelza said again as she stood up walked away. Clowance looked at Ross. "Jeremy is always ill," Clowance said sadly. "He used to be even worse," Ross said thoughtfully, "he used to be worse when he was a babe..." Clowance looked at him. "Papa, can I go to the mine with you?" she asked him with a mouthful of scones.

Ross looked at her shocked. "You want to come to the mine?" he asked her. "Yes," she said, "I want to see my papa at work... I see mama work all the time, but can I see my Papa?" Ross smiled at her and kissed her head. "I'd like that Clowance..." he whispered. Clowance got up and ran to the kitchen then and in a moment she came back with a basket. "I think we should give these to the miners," she said as she put them in the basket. "Just like your mama," Ross said proudly. 

Demelza walked into Jeremy's room and sat on the edge of the bed. "Jeremy my lover," Demelza whispered as she touched her head. Jeremy looked at her. Demelza looked into his eyes and saw the tears. "Jeremy," she whispered, "what is wrong? Prudie says you feel ill, have you been sick?" Demelza touched his head. Jeremy didn't speak just turned away from her. "Jeremy," Demelza said again, "does your throat hurt?" Demelza started to panic and then sighed as Jeremy shook his head. "My lover," Demelza tried again, "please talk to me... is it your tummy? Does it hurt?" Jeremy nodded and closed his eyes. "Go to sleep my boy," Demelza whispered. Jeremy was silent as a tear slipped down his cheek.

Demelza shut the door and walked down the stairs. "Prudie can you send for Dwight please?" Demelza asked as she reached the bottom. Prudie nodded as Ross came through holding Clowances hand as she held the basket of scones. "Has he a fever?" Ross asked worriedly. "No," Demelza said, "but he has been sobbing, so he must be in pain Ross, after..." Ross took her hand. "Of course," he whispered, "I'll stay here with you..." Clowance looked at him sadly. "I know," he whispered, "but your brother is poorly, I can't go to mine if your brother is poorly can I?" Clowance shook her head sadly. "Would he like a scone?" she asked him. "I think his tummy is sore," Demelza said. 

Ross went up the stairs slowly and knocked on the door as he walked in. "Jeremy," Ross said as he sat on the bed and looked at him. Jeremy stayed facing the wall his eyes closed tightly. Ross stroked his hair slowly. "Uncle Dwight is coming to have a look at you," Ross whispered, "is it your tummy?" Jeremy nodded. "Can you show me where it hurts?" Ross whispered. "All over," Jeremy said his voice wobbling, "from my hair to toes." Ross was beginning to get concerned now. Demelza always panicked when the children were ill, after Julia especially with Jeremy. 

Ross kissed his head and then walked out the room. "What do you think?" Demelza asked worriedly. "I think its good you called Dwight," Ross said, "I won't go to the mine my love, my boy needs me..." Demelza looked at him and smiled. "No more of what we talked about," Ross whispered, "my only son is in that room..." Demelza nodded at him as she kissed him and then stopped as Dwight came up the stairs. "Clowance says Jeremy is too sick for Scones..."

Ross couldn't help but smile as Demelza let out a little chuckle. "You better lead me to your patient," Dwight says smiling at them. 

____

Ross opened the door. "Jeremy my boy," Ross whispered, "Uncle Dwight is here, he will make you feel better..." Dwight sat on the bed and looked at him. "Hello Jeremy," he whispered, "Prudie tells me your not feeling well, and Clowance says your too poorly for scones..." Jeremy nodded as he rolled towards the wall on his cot. "Where is the pain?" Dwight asked him. Jeremy was silent as Ross and Demelza looked on worriedly. 

"Jeremy?" Dwight asked again. "He said," Ross started, "he said he hurt all over to me..." Demelza gasped. "Jeremy my lover," she whispered, "please tell Dwight where it hurts..." Dwight looked at Jeremy. Jeremy looked at Dwight and pointed to wear his heart was. Dwight looked at him and nodded and then turned to Ross and Demelza. "I know you are worried," he said gently to them, "but I think its best you wait downstairs." Ross looked at him defiantly. "Ross," Dwight said seriously as he stood up, "I will come down as soon as I can, I will look after him." Demelza looked at him. "What are you going to do?" Demelza asked. "Talk to him," Dwight said as he moved them to the side, "I think this is emotional..." Ross looked at him. "Are you saying he is making..." Dwight put his hand up and stopped him. "No," Dwight said, "let me talk to him, go downstairs, have a port, I will be as quick as I can..."

They nodded as they walked downstairs slowly. "What's upset him Ross?" Demelza said sadly, "what's upset our boy?" Ross held her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "I don't know my love," Ross whispered, "I don't know... but Dwight will get to the bottom of this, he will help and Jeremy will be okay..."

____

Dwight sat down the bed and looked at Jeremy. Dwight looked at him. "How does your heart hurt?" Dwight asked gently. "Its broken," Jeremy whispered, "my heart is broken." Dwight looked at him. "Jeremy," Dwight said gently, "why is it broken? What happened? You can tell me..." Jeremy looked at him and Dwight saw his eyes, red raw and his heart broke for his friends son. 

"I'm not wanted," Jeremy said quickly. Of all the things Dwight expected Jeremy to say, that wasn't it. "Jeremy boy," Dwight whispered, "why do you say that?" Jeremy was silent for a long while. "I heard them talk," Jeremy said bravely. Dwight looked at him. "Who?" Dwight said gently, "your doing so well..." Jeremy looked at him. "I'll be in trouble," Jeremy said as he started to cry again. "Why will you be in trouble?" Dwight asked him. 

"Because I listened in conversation," Jeremy said as he started to hiccup. "Was it about you?" Dwight asked gently, "was it your mama and papa talking?" Jeremy nodded slowly as Dwight gave him his handkerchief. "And what they said," Dwight said gently, "has that broken your heart..." Jeremy looked at him and burst into tears. "Papa didn't want me," Jeremy sobbed, "and now Valentine will come and replace me... he hurt Mama... I remember bits..." Dwight looked at him confused. "Papa is Valentines Papa... he hurt mama... my heart broke..." Jeremy then broke down in uncontrollable sobs. "Don't worry about remembering," Dwight said gently, "it won't help your heart." 

Dwight of course knew the circumstances of his conception and how Ross felt, but being Valentines dad surely not... "Your papa loves you very much," Dwight said honestly. Jeremy was silent. "Now I want you to rest," Dwight whispered, "your body is tired from your tears, your heart will be mended..." Jeremy looked at him. "Your mama, Papa and Clowance love you very much..." Jeremy nodded slowly. Dwight patted his head and kissed his best friends son the head. "I'll go and talk to your mama and Papa, do not worried, you won't be in trouble..."

_____

Dwight walked into the parlor and Ross and Demelza stood up anxiously. "Sit down," Dwight said gently and he took Demelza's hand he knew she would be heartbroken at Jeremy being heartbroken. "What's wrong with our son?" Ross asked as he looked out the window, he was a brooder but he could tell he was worried about Jeremy. "Physically he is fine," Dwight said straight away to ease any concern, he knew himself after a death of a child when a child gets ill, you panic again. Demelza instantly sagged with relief. "He said he hurt all over," Ross said seriously. 

Dwight looked at him. "Sit down Ross," Dwight said seriously. Ross sat down next to his wife and istantly rubbed Demelza's very slight swell of their fourth child. "Dwight," Demelza said, clearly in a panic. "He does," Dwight said gently, "I believe he does hurt all over, but its an emotional hurt, he says his heart hurts..." Ross looked at him. "Not a heart attack?" Ross exclaimed, "he is too young..." Dwight looked at his friend and shook his head. "No, no heart attack Ross, as I said physically he is fine..." Ross looked at him. 

"His heart is broken," Dwight said gently. Ross looked at him confused. "I don't understand Dwight," Ross said seriously, "he's ten, how can he have a broken heart?" Dwight sighed. "He over heard a conversation," Dwight started slowly, "between you and Demelza, this morning..." He was silent waiting for a reaction and he got it from Demelza.

"Judas!" Demelza exclaimed as her eyes filled with tears. "He knows..." Demelza whispered. Dwight nodded solmnly. "You need to forgive me," Ross said slowly, "I haven't caught up yet... he knows what..." 

"Jeremy thinks you don't love him," Dwight said as he looked at Ross. "Well that's prepostorous, why on earth does he think I don't love him..." Ross exclaimed. "He overheard you and Demelza this morning, he knows that you didn't want another child after Julia..." Ross was silent after that. "But that was before I saw him," Ross exclaimed, "before I held him..." Dwight held up his hand. "Tell him that," Dwight said honestly, "not me, I know Ross..." 

"He also said something about Valentine..." Dwight said as he looked at him. "Oh good God..." Ross whispered his head hung low as Demelza wept beside him. "Your not denying it?" Dwight asked shocked. "No," Ross whispered, "I am not..." Dwight looked at Demelza and he felt anger at his best friend for the first time. "But he is younger than Jeremy, than Julia would of been..." Dwight said. "I don't think you need me to go into details Dwight..." 

"He thinks Valentine will come and replace him," Dwight said slowly. Ross's head shot up. "What on earth," Ross exclaimed, "never! My God never! Valentine is George's, by law and I want him to stay with George, Jeremy is my only son, unless this one is a boy, Jeremy is my eldest son, my boy, my heir..." Dwight looked at him. "I think you need to go and tell him," Dwight said honestly.

"I'm sorry my love," Ross said his eyes filled with tears, again his actions that May night has caused his family, his only family hurt and pain. "Go to our son," Demelza said her voice wobbly, "don't worry about me, Jeremy needs you, I can't do anything, he doesn't need me right now..." 

____ 

Ross was beginning to climb the stairs, his legs felt like jelly, he was ashamed of his actions, how do you tell a ten year old about this... but he had too, on his own, his wife was right, he had to be a papa, show emotion. His boy needed him. 

Ross opened the door to see an empty bed... and a window opened... his heart right then stopped beating for a moment. "DWIGHT!" Ross shouted, "DWIGHT!" Ross ran down the stairs. "Prudie sit with your mistress," Ross said as Dwight came running out with Demelza. "Ross," Demelza said looking at him. "He's gone," Ross said, "Dwight, come with me, we need to look for him, its getting dark soon, Demelza stay with Prudie and Clowance..." 

"Ross," Demelza said as the tears fell. Ross held her cheeks gently. "I will find our boy," Ross whispered, "I promise you, I will find our son, our only son, my only son, the son I made with the woman I love, I won't stop until I find him okay..." Demelza nodded slowly. "I'll get Caroline to come over," Dwight said to her. Ross ran out the house and got onto Darkie as Dwight followed him. 

"Where are you my son?" Ross whispered as he galloped across the cliffs.


	2. Elizabeth I hate you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross looks for his son, and the whole community comes out to look for him. Some Spoilers from the Twisted Sword, I found the dialogue between Jeremy and Ross in the book just beautiful. Especially one scene which I used some dialogue from *sobs*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments. This is again purely fiction and some quotes come from the Twisted Sword. That book actually nearly killed me with the dialogue between Ross and Jeremy. Spoilers for that book.

Demelza sat down on her chair and rubbed her very small swell of her stomach. "Where is he Prudie?" Demelza whispered, "where is my darling boy?" Prudie stood next to her and rubbed her hand. "Mistress," Prudie said gently, "Captain will find him..." Demelza nodded. "It's all my fault," Demelza whispered, "Prudie it's all my fault." 

Ross was riding by the mine. "JEREMY!" Ross shouted, "JEREMY!" Zacky came running out of the mine with Paul Daniels. "Captain!" Zacky exclaimed, "What's happening?" Ross looked at him. "Get all the miners up," Ross shouted at him, "I want everyone looking for Jeremy... All of them!" Paul looked at Zacky. "He's missing?" Paul asked. Ross nodded a lump forming in his throat enabling him to speak. "We will get on to it," Zacky said as he ran towards the bell.

"Jeremy," Ross shouted again as he rode the horse down towards the shore, "Your not in trouble my boy, you are so not in trouble..." 

___

Caroline walked into Nampara just as Morwenna was arriving. "My dear," Caroline said as she ran into the parlour, "Dwight has just told me... come and sit down, Prudie make her tea, lots of sugar, its good for shock..." Demelza sat down weakly. "Jeremy," Demelza whispered. "Everyone is looking for him," Morwenna said as she sat down next to her, "the mine has stopped working and all the miners are out, Ross told Zacky everyone has to look for him, Drake is looking around the orchard." 

Demelza nodded sadly. "What started all of this," Caroline said as she took her hand, "Dwight didn't tell me..." Demelza looked at her. "He overheard a conversation..." Caroline looked at her. "About what?" Caroline asked, "what on earth could you and Ross be talking about that would make him run away..." Demelza wrung her hands together and looked around. "He heard Ross didn't want him when I was with child with him," Demelza whispered. "Oh my dear," Caroline whispered. 

Demelza turned to Morwenna. "He loves him," Demelza said instantly defending Ross. "I have no doubt about that," Morwenna said honestly. "We had just lost Julia," Demelza said to Morwenna, "he hurt so much, because she died in his arms..." Morwenna squeezed her hand. "And he was scared, that's all," Demelza whispered, "and we had no money, and then his birth was so traumatic, I nearly died, he was just so scared... but as soon as he held him..." Demelza couldn't go on. 

"My dear," Caroline said gently, "Ross and Dwight will find him, you know that..." Demelza nodded slowly. "Where's Clowance?" she asked them. "She's playing with Horace and Garrick in the garden, Garrick is chasing Horace I believe..." Demelza gave her a little smile.

___

Jeremy carried on walking, he didn't know where he was going, but he was beginning to get weary. He kept tripping and knew his hands would be bloody and bruised, but he kept walking. He found himself at church. Jeremy kept walking and saw his surname written on one of graves. "Grace Poldark," he read slowly, "wife and mother...." Jeremy looked down and read "Joshua Poldark, husband and father...." He then saw the fresh flowers by another name. "Julia," he whispered, "my big sister..." Jeremy put his small arms around the stone and sighed as he let out a sob. "Did papa love you?" he whispered to the headstone.

_____

"JEREMY!" Ross shouted his voice becoming hoarse from the shouting, "JEREMY..." Drake ran up to him breathless. "Have you found him?" Ross asked helplessly, "its getting dark now, please tell me someone has found him..." Drake shook his head. "But Sam said a miner saw him heading towards Sawle," Drake said breathlessly. "Why on earth didn't they stop him," Ross said angrily, "my God, he is a child..." 

"Drake can you go and sit with Demelza," Ross told him, "tell her I am going to Sawle, and I will return with our son... ask Prudie to make sure we have warm water to bathe him and his bedroom has a fire lit..."

"Can you also if you see him, ask Dr. Enys to come and meet me, just in case..." Ross couldn't finish his sentence and rode off before Drake could reply to him. 

____

Jeremy turned his head and shivered as the cold hit him. He saw the letters written in bright gold. "Elizabeth Warleggan... wife, mother of Geoffrey-Charles, Valentine..." Jeremy felt this sudden rush off anger hit him, and he hit the stone hard, he yelped in pain.

"I hate you," Jeremy screamed as he hit the headstone again, "I hate you..." 

____

Ross heard a scream as he rode quickly by the church. "I'm coming my boy," Ross whispered in anguish. Ross tied Darkie by a tree outside Sawle Church. The same church he got married to his one true love, the church his children were christened in. Ross ran through the church yard and then stopped as his heart broke into two. 

He saw Jeremy punching Elizabeth's gravestone he ran to him and picked him up and held him tightly. "Jeremy stop," Ross said seriously, "stop... you're hurting yourself." Jeremy struggled against him but Ross held him tightly. "Shhhh my boy," Ross whispered his voice going horse from the tears he was holding back. He felt Jeremy relax against him. Ross looked at him, and he saw his eyes were closed, red raw from tears. Ross held him tightly as he carried him back towards Darkie. Jeremy whimpered. "Shhhhh papa's here," Ross whispered, "your cold, hungry and you've hurt your hands, we go home now to Mama and Uncle Dwight, it will be okay..." 

"I hate her," Jeremy whispered in pain as Ross saw Dwight arrive on his horse. "Is he hurt?" Dwight asked him. "Yes," Ross whispered, "he is so cold and his hands..." Dwight nodded. "Let's get him back to Namapara," Dwight said to him. Ross nodded as he gave Dwight his son as he got on the horse. "Don't leave me Papa!" Jeremy whimpered. Ross took him back as he sat on the horse. "Oh never my son," Ross whispered, "I'm here... I'll be with you until my dying day..." Jeremy whimpered. "Valentine..." he whispered. "Shhhh," Ross whispered, "later, let's take you home... I promise you... we will talk when at home, but your cold... and Mama is so very worried..." 

Ross rode slowly as he held his precious cargo next to him. When they reached Nampara he saw Zacky still walking the fields. "You got the mite?" Zacky exclaimed. "Yes," Ross said, "please tell the miners to stop, go home and have tomorrow off, thank them for helping, I will be taking a few days off my friend..." Zacky nodded and noticed the blood on his hands as he held the candle up to see Ross. "What he been doing? Fighting?" Zacky asked. "Something like that," Ross sighed, "I must get home..." 

Ross stopped Darkie and waited for Dwight to ride in before he got down but the door flung open and Demelza came running out followed by Prudie tears rolling down her cheeks. "Is he okay?" Demelza asked in a panic. Ross handed Jeremy to Dwight as he jumped down from Darkie and then took Jeremy back again. "Jeremy my lover," Demelza said sobbing, and then she saw his hands. "My baby," she sobbed. Caroline put her arms around her. "Demelza," Caroline said gently, "let them come inside. Let Dwight look at him..." 

Ross carried him up the stairs passed Jeremy's room to his and Demelza's room and put him on the bed. "Prudie," Dwight said, "I need some hot water and towels for his hands, some blankets to warm him up..." Ross sat next to him. "Don't tell me to leave," Ross said seriously, "I am not leaving his side..." Demelza sat wearily on the chair by the fire. "And after Jeremy check Demelza please..." Ross said his tone indicating there was to be no arguments. Dwight nodded and took hold of Jeremy's hands gently. "What was he doing?" Dwight asked Ross.

"Hitting Elizabeth's gravestone," Ross said his voice betraying his emotions. Demelza gasped. "Oh Ross," she whispered, "our darling boy..." Prudie came in with steaming water. "What else can I do for the mite?" Prudie asked standing there. "He needs another blanket," Dwight said as he put the hot towel on his hands. Ross stroked Jeremy's hair out of his eyes. "His hand is broken," Dwight said gently. Jeremy whimpered. "Shhhh I'm here," Ross whispered, "I'm never leaving you, no one is replacing you... I'm here..." Jeremy whimpered again.


	3. Truths to be told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross has to tell the truth no matter how hard it is.

Ross held him as Dwight put a splint on his hand. "You brave boy," Ross whispered in his ear. Dwight washed his hands and then went over to Demelza. "I'm okay," Demelza whispered to him. "Demelza," Ross said seriously, "you are with child, this has been a horrible stress for you..." Demelza nodded as she knew Ross was right and sighed as Dwight checked her over. "All okay," Ross asked him worriedly as he still held Jeremy tightly. "She's okay," Dwight said, "just try to rest, Caroline and I will stay here tonight..." Demelza stood up. "I will get the room..." Ross looked at her. "Prudie can do it," Ross said seriously. 

Jeremy began to stir and Ross looked down at him, his eyes so full of worry, Demelza stood up and walked out slowly, as much as she wanted to take Jeremy in her arms and tell him how much she loved him, she knew that he needed Ross at this moment, Ross had to find the words without her holding his hands, Jeremy needed them, he had already been forgiven by her, there was no need for him to say it to her again.

_____

Jeremy opened his eyes and saw Ross look at him. Jeremy looked up at him with such hurt. "Papa," Jeremy whispered his voice hoarse from crying and screaming. "I'm here," Ross whispered, "I'm here, and I am never letting you go..."

"Why did you go?" Ross asked him gently. "You don't want me," Jeremy whispered sadly. Ross looked at him and thought of the words carefully. "I want you so badly," Ross whispered, "I couldn't bear it if I lost you... my God... my son... my boy... my heir...."

"I heard you and mama," Jeremy said slowly, "I know I shouldn't listen..." Ross stroked his hair gently and sighed. "Tell me what you heard, and I will tell you nothing but the truth my boy..." Jeremy looked at him and winced with pain from his hands. "You told mama you didn't want me..." Jeremy said sadly.

____

Demelza came and sat down in the parlour as Caroline gave her a glass of port. "Thank you," Demelza whispered as she looked at everyone. "What on earth caused him to run away?" Drake asked her. "It's personal," Demelza said, hoping that would be the end of it. "Has the captain hurt you," Sam asked her. "NO!" Demelza exclaimed, "no, he hasn't hurt me or Jeremy, Jeremy just overheard a conversation..."

"I think maybe this is a discussion for another day," Caroline said, "Demelza doesn't need to relive it with us, all that matters is our darling Jeremy is home..." Sam nodded his head. "I prayed to God for your sister," Drake said to her. "Thank you," Demelza whispered, "thank you..." Dwight sighed. "Now boys I think your sister needs rest, Caroline and I will be here tonight..." 

______

"You know you had a sister, a big one, don't you?" Ross asked him slowly. "Yes," Jeremy whispered, "I saw her tonight, with Joshua and Grace..." Ross looked at him and nodded. "I loved Julia so much," Ross whispered. "More than me," Jeremy whispered. "No," Ross said honestly, "but I was so scared when Mama told me you were coming, scared of losing you, scared of letting you into my heart, if anything happened to you, I wouldn't of got through it, I would have..."

Jeremy looked at him. "So it was true..." Jeremy said sadly. "But then you came, oh and your arrival scared me, your mama was being stubborn and in a boat, you were nearly born in the ocean..." Jeremy looked at him confused. "I ran into the ocean to save your mama and you," Ross whispered, "and I carried her home, and I sat and waited as Uncle Dwight helped your mama have you... I was so scared son..."

"Then I held you," Ross whispered, "and I knew I could love again, and I did, I loved you so much..." Jeremy looked at him and was silent for a long time. "I love you so much son, don't ever think I don't love you..." Jeremy was silent as he thought. 

____

"But you weren't there," Jeremy whispered suddenly, it all came back to him. Ross gasped as the pain hit him. "I remember Mama, we played on the kitchen floor, Garrick and I played, but you weren't there, you with Geoffrey Charles and Elizabeth..."

It was like he was punched in the gut, and he felt himself feel like he was going to be sick, he knew too much. "Elizabeth had just lost Francis," Ross whispered, "you probably don't remember him..." Jeremy shook his head slowly. "I thought I was doing the right thing, I was helping her..." Ross said slowly. "She took you away from me," Jeremy whispered as the tears started to form in his eyes. 

Ross again felt a rush of blood to head and felt faint at the words his son used. "I didn't think any different, I thought that's what Papa's were like, until I saw you with Clowance, then I knew, you played with her, you look at her with such love, and I never got that..." 

"Oh Son," Ross said gasping for breath, "if I could turn back time... Jeremy I love you... I will show you every day that I love you..." Jeremy looked at him. 

_____

"Valentine," Jeremy whispered, "Mama said he looks like you more than me..." Ross moved him onto his lap and embraced him tightly. Ross took a deep breath. "Your handsome," Ross whispered, "You havea heart like Mama, a love like Mama, but you are my son, you have my curls..." Ross touched the bottom of his hair and pulled a slight curl. "But Valentine looks like you more," Jeremy said sadly. Ross had no words for that. "He isn't my son," Ross whispered. 

"You told mama," Jeremy said slowly. "Yes," Ross whispered, "I did... but it takes more than blood to be a son...." He wanted Demelza right now, she was much better at explaining these things than him. Jeremy looked at him confused. 

"Valentine will never have what me and you have," Ross whispered, "he will never have me running back from London, looking forward to my wonderful homecoming of you running down the path to greet me, he will never have me showing you the mine, the mine that will be yours one day..." Jeremy looked at him. "He will never have the joy it gives me watching you and Clowance play, watching you and Mama do your learning at the kitchen table...."

"He will never have the joy of seeing your kind heart looking after the animals, your calming touches of all our animals, the way you taught Clowance to stroke animals gently, he will never be you..."

"He is never going to come here, especially not to replace you, no one can ever replace you, your irreplaceable, if anything happened to you... anything it would destroy me..." 

____

They were silent for a long time until Jeremy said, "I hate her..."

Ross sighed and sat up and looked at him. "Is that why you were hitting her gravestone?" Ross asked him. Jeremy nodded as he put his head by Ross's armpit. "You really hurt your hands," Ross said gently, "why did you hit it? It's okay to talk about your feelings..."

"Babies are made by loving cuddles," Jeremy whispered, "you told me that when I asked where Clowance came from, which means you had a loving cuddle with not mama... You had a loving cuddle with Elizabeth..."

Ross sighed, her remembered talking about how babies were made all those years ago, how was he going to talk about this. "I was a very stupid angry man," Ross said honestly, "you see I loved Elizabeth for a long time, even before I had met Mama..." 

Jeremy was silent but Ross knew he was listening as he had the same completive look that his mother had. "And I suppose she broke my heart by marrying Francis," Ross continued, "you see I wanted to marry her, you must try to understand my boy that this was before I ever met your mama... I didn't know she existed..." 

"Then of course I met your mama," Ross whispered, "but Elizabeth did hold a special place in my heart and that was wrong and naughty of me to do that, and I know I should have been at home with you and Mama..." Ross closed his eyes and tried to think of a way to tell him about Elizabeth and that night...

"I got angry when she wrote to me about marrying George," Ross whispered, "and I went there, and we shouted at each other, and we cuddled, but it wasn't a loving cuddle, not like with Mama... Never like with Mama..."

"And your Mama was so angry," Ross whispered, "and it took her a long time to forgive me..." Jeremy thought and then said. "Why you slept in the library..." Jeremy whispered. "Yes,"Ross said choking back a sob. "Not because you didn't want another child after me," Jeremy whispered. "NO!" Ross exclaimed, "My God Jeremy... oh my boy, no, never... It was because of me..." 

____

Jeremy was silent for a long while and Ross thought he was asleep until he heard a whisper. "So Valentine isn't coming?" Jeremy whispered. "No," Ross said his voice full of emotion, "George is his Papa, and you my son, my only son, who I am going to make up too for all the pain I've caused you, will you allow me to do that?" Jeremy looked at him and nodded slowly. "My heart is still broken Papa," Jeremy whispered. "I know," Ross whispered, "but I will fix it for you, I promise..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have no idea how much children take in, my job as an EYFS teacher or Kindergarten, you realise how much children take in even though their young.


	4. Truths hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy tries to be strong... Demelza is strong for Ross...

Ross held him as he slept. His eyes closed his chin resting on his head. He felt someone else join him in bed and smiled as he saw Clowance cuddle up to Jeremy. "Papa," Clowance whispered, "what happened?" Ross looked at her. "One day I will tell you," Ross whispered, "but I can't tonight... Jeremy will be okay..." He smiled as Demelza came in with a candle. "Room for one more?" Demelza asked. "Always," Ross whispered, "always..." Demelza took his hand and squeezed it as she got into bed. 

The room was silent as Jeremy's sleeping breaths could be heard, Clowance rolled over and hugged Demelza as Ross's arms were full and Demelza held her tightly. "There should be one more in this bed," Ross whispered sadly. "She's watching us," Demelza whispered, "she's watching and protecting us, and soon their well be one more with us..."

____

Demelza awoke early, and she looked over at her children who were holding on to Ross for dear life, but Ross looked devastated, and her heart broke for him. She quickly washed and got ready. "Demelza," Ross mumbled as he woke up slowly. "I'm just going to get breakfast ready," Demelza whispered, "I'm going to make Jeremy's favourite..." Ross looked at her and smiled. "Pancakes, my favourite too," Ross whispered. "Father like son," Demelza said smiling. Ross beamed at her proudly. 

Demelza went down and started to make the pancakes when Prudie came in. "How's the mite?" Prudie asked her. "He slept on Ross all night," Demelza whispered sighing. "What caused him to run?" Prudie asked. "He found out about..." Demelza stopped as she looked around. "No need to say anything more," Prudie said gently, "I understand, poor little mite..." 

___

Jeremy woke up smelling the Pancakes, and he turned to see Ross looking down at him. "Are you ready for pancakes?" Ross asked him. Jeremy nodded and went to get out of the bed but was stunned as Ross picked him up and took him to the wash basin. "Let me," Ross whispered, "you mustn't get your hand wet..." Jeremy stood as Ross undressed him and helped him wash. "Are you in pain?" Ross asked Jeremy. "Only my heart," Jeremy replied truthfully. 

"I will mend it," Ross said truthfully as he put some clean clothes on him and lifted him up on his hip and started to carry him downstairs as Clowance ran ahead of them. "I can walk papa," Jeremy said slowly. "I want to carry you," Ross said back as he walked down the stairs. 

____

"There's my patient," Dwight said as he looked at Jeremy, "how are you Jeremy?" Jeremy was embarrassed about it all and hid in Ross's neck. "No need to be worried," Demelza whispered, and she had to steady herself as Jeremy leapt into her arms. "Oh my lover," Demelza whispered, "I've made you pancakes..." Jeremy nodded and hugged her tightly. "I am sorry for being nosy…" 

"We will talk about it later my lover," Demelza whispered, "now why don't you sit with Papa while I get things ready..." Jeremy nodded and sat on Papa's lap and sighed. "Shall we check your hand?" Dwight asked him. "Will it hurt?" Jeremy asked. "Maybe a little," Dwight said gently. "Don't worry my boy," Ross whispered holding him tightly, "I'm here..." Jeremy held onto him tightly as Dwight had a look at his arm. "Your being so brave," Ross whispered, "Braver than when I was in the war, and Dwight had to stitch my face..." 

"Dwight made scar?" Jeremy asked as he stroked Ross's face. Ross felt his warm fingers stroke his cheek, and he smiled, his son warmed his heart. "Dwight here, saved my life..." Ross said honestly. "Nonsense," Dwight said going red with embarrassment. "Oh Dwight darling," Caroline said as she sipped her tea, "he also saved Horace's life... I will be forever in his debt..." Dwight smiled at her. "I had to give him the kiss of life," he whispered to Jeremy. "Who Papa or Horace?" Jeremy asked smiling. Everyone laughed as they looked at him and Demelza wiped away a tear as she smiled at him. 

___

Jeremy sat on the settle next to Ross and drank his tea that Demelza had just given him. "Aren't you going to the mine Papa?" Jeremy asked him. "No son," Ross whispered, "I am not going today..." Demelza smiled at him gently. "Clowance," Demelza whispered to her daughter, "how do you fancy going to give these scones to the ladies out and about with Caroline..." Clowance nodded. "Are you going to be talking about grown up stuff?" Clowance asked her. "Don't be nosy," Demelza said as she kissed the top of her head. Clowance went over to Ross and kissed him. 

Clowance and Dwight took her hand and smiled. "Uncle Dwight," Clowance asked as she skipped out of Nampara, "Is Jeremy really going to be okay?" Dwight bent down to her and nodded. "He will be fine," Dwight whispered, "he just needs to rest..." Clowance nodded. "Did Papa make him sad?" Clowance asked. 

_____

Demelza looked at Jeremy and Ross and smiled as she started to do some sewing. "Mama," Jeremy whispered, "I am so sorry..." Demelza looked at him and smiled. "No we are sorry," Demelza said as she put down the sewing and bent beside him, "you should never have heard that..." Jeremy looked at her. "I hate her," Jeremy whispered. "You mustn't hate Jeremy," Demelza said as she took his hand, "You mustn't speak ill of the dead my lover, yes your hurt and very confused, and I understand that, but we mustn't hate, we must never hate..."

Jeremy looked at her. "Didn't you hate her?" Jeremy asked. "Yes," Demelza whispered, "I was very angry for a long while, but that turned me into a person I didn't like, and I made mistakes too, and I hurt Papa, we mustn't hate, we must talk about our feelings..." Jeremy looked at her and nodded. "How did you hurt Papa?" Jeremy asked her. Demelza looked away, and she was just about to answer when Ross said: She hit me... 

There was no way he was going to allow her to tell Jeremy about Hugh. Demelza looked at Ross. "You hit Papa?" Jeremy asked her. "I did," Demelza whispered, "and I shouldn't have, that was very naughty of me, and you must never do that, we must use our voices..."

Jeremy nodded at her. "This is your home," Demelza whispered to him, "no one will never replace you, you are our son, who we love so very much, you came at such a sad time, and you saved us..." Demelza stopped as she felt tears rolling down her cheeks. Ross looked at her but was stopped as Jeremy wiped the tears away. "You did save us," Ross whispered to him, "you are our shining light at our darkest times, and I love you..." Jeremy looked at him and nodded as he hugged him tightly.


	5. Ten Years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy as an adult meeting a girl and having a chat with Ross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers from the later books in these last two chapters.

Jeremy came in to his house and sighed. He could hear Henry upstairs with his father. He then saw his mother coming out the kitchen, and he smiled at her. "Mother," he said as he kissed her cheek. "Jeremy my boy," Demelza said, even though she never said it, everyone knew Jeremy was utter favourite, he was her saviour. "I've come to speak to father," Jeremy said as he looked at her. "Oh," Demelza said, "he's upstairs with Henry, why don't you join them?"

Jeremy walked up the stairs and saw Henry and his father on the floor with his old toy soldiers. "Father," Jeremy said smiling. "Jeremy," Ross said as he got up and looked at him, "what are you doing here? Everything okay at the mine?" Jeremy nodded. "The work on the steam engine is coming along well," Jeremy said smiling. "Good, good," he whispered, "I am proud of you Jeremy..."

Jeremy looked at him and smiled. "I wanted to talk to you about something else," Jeremy said as he looked at him. "Of course son," Ross said smiling, "Henry, shall we go down and see Mama?" Henry nodded as Ross took him into his eyes. "Where's Bella?" Jeremy asked suddenly. "Singing by the spinet, I am surprised you can't hear her!" Ross exclaimed. "She will be on the stage one day, mark my words," Jeremy said seriously. "You probably right, you probably right..." Ross said laughing as he put Henry down in the kitchen and kissed Demelza on the cheek and then walked into the library as Jeremy followed laughing as he heard Bella sing. 

"I've met someone," Jeremy said suddenly as Ross sat down, his leg as he got older was causing him trouble, not that he either admitted it. "Who's the lucky girl? What's her name?" Jeremy smiled at him. "Cuby," he whispered. "Cuby..." Ross whispered, "do I know her family? Do we know the family..." Jeremy sighed. "Don't bother dad," Jeremy said gently, "her dad thinks I am not good enough for his daughter..." 

"WHAT!" Ross exclaimed, "what is the name, come on boy, tell me...." "Trevanion," Jeremy whispered. "Hmmmmph," Ross said, "I will speak to him," Ross said, "you are good enough for any lady, don't let anyone tell you anything different..." Jeremy looked at him. "Apparently my grandfather was a man where no woman was safe, my mother a scullery maid, my father a feckless wannabe hero..." Ross went red in anger. "He said what about your mother?" Ross asked him, "how dare he?" 

"I told him as such," Jeremy said looking at him, "I think that's another reason why he doesn't like me..." Ross looked at him proudly. "I also told him he was wrong about you," Jeremy whispered. Ross looked at him confused. "I said you are a hero," Jeremy said honestly, "that you saved mother from a horrible drunken father, and if mother happened to be a maid then so what, I also reminded him you saved Uncle Dwight, you keep most of the miners in the job, and you have put yourself and us at risk for king and country... you my hero..."

Ross looked at him glassy eyed. "You also nearly died fighting for our country... I'm proud of you, father..." Ross looked at him and smiled. "Not as much as I am proud of you, you're changing the mine for the better with your ideas..." Jeremy smiled at him. "Father," he said looking down at him, "I need to tell you something, and I don't think you are going to like it..."

Ross looked at him worriedly. "Cuby wants to be with me..." Jeremy whispered. "I remember telling you once follow your heart," Ross whispered, "do you remember that?" Jeremy looked at him and nodded. "After I found out about Valentine," Jeremy whispered. "Do you love Cuby?" Ross asked him. "More than anything," Jeremy whispered, "more than anything..." Ross looked at him and nodded. "Are you going to come here?" Ross asked him, "we have plenty of room now Clowance is with Stephen..."

"Don't mention him," Jeremy said sighing, "father, she should have married Edward!" Ross rolled his eyes. "I know," Ross whispered, "but what could I do son, like I've just said to you, you must follow your heart..." Jeremy sighed. "No father we won't be coming here," Jeremy said sighing. "Do you need a cottage, we have Dwight's old one, I mean it will need some work..." 

"No father," Jeremy said, "I've joined up, Geoffrey Charles took me to join up, after Cuby's father rejected me I was hurt and angry, so I joined up in anger, but now Cuby, well she's going to come with me to France..." Ross was silent for a long time. "I see," Ross said slowly, "I can't say anything, because well I did the same..." Ross stood up and poured himself a rum. "And the mine?" Ross whispered. "Clowance is going to be in charge," Jeremy said, "I know it's not a job of a lady, but have you ever said no to Clowance... she's the same as when she was a child, she stamps her feet until she gets her own way..." Ross looked at him and laughed. 

"Very true," Ross whispered, "Well Jeremy, let me tell you something, I am very proud of you as well, for following your heart..." Jeremy looked at him and sighed. "And now to break one woman heart," Jeremy whispered. Ross sighed and nodded. "I don't envy you son," Ross whispered, "because it will break her to see you go, but you are a man now son, and will do what you must do... your not a child any more..." 

Jeremy looked at him and nodded. "Oh Father," Jeremy said as he stood by the door and as he walked out the door, "Cuby's with child..." Ross looked at him shocked and couldn't say anything but just smiled at him. "Make her an honest woman..." Ross said to him seriously, "even I did that, and I did it before your mother was with child...." Jeremy giggled as he walked out the library ready to break the news to his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the last chapter... and if you haven't read the Twisted Sword, it will have major spoilers.


	6. Goodbye my boy...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war in France is strong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning.... Major spoilers from the Twisted Sword... And you will need tissues... probably.

Ross was in France, he had been with his family, but they suddenly had to go, he missed them so much, especially Demelza... His constant, his love. He was bloodied and battered, the war was strong, but while was here, he wanted, he longed to see his son, and to see Geoffrey Charles. He arrived, at the British Head office. 

"Poldark," the clerk said, "we have two Poldarks in the regiment..." Ross nodded. "One's a major in the 95th rifles, the other a captain in the 52nd Oxfordshire's." Ross nodded. "The major is my cousin Geoffrey-Charles, but I don't think the other is any relation to me, my son is an ensign..." "A J.Poldark," the clerk continued, "he was promoted last month..." Ross looked at him in astonishment. "My boy," Ross whispered. "I saw him myself," Wellington said, "I hear he is just like his father was..." 

"Two captain Poldarks," Wellington said laughing. "Actually he is a Sir now," the Clerk said. "Please call me Captain," Ross said seriously, "I am really not into the Sir Ross thing..." Wellington laughed loudly. "One day it will be Jeremy's..." Wellington boomed. "That's what my wife says," Ross said, "That's the reason I took it..." Wellington laughed again. "And as much as we think we're the dominant sex, it's the ladies..." Ross laughed completely agreeing, he couldn't do this without Demelza, who looked after the farm, his mine, his children, his home. 

___

As Ross was fighting his way through the battle to help his son's regiment. Jeremy was on his horse ready to fight Napoleon's battle. "Good luck my men," Jeremy said to them, "let's hope we all make it out, especially the horses..." 

The battle was long and hard fought, the British were out numbered by far by the French, but they remained strong and firm. But there was a sudden French attack and suddenly one of Jeremy's men was shot in the head, before Jeremy had time to react Jeremy was shot in the back and side, and his horse having lost his legs, staggered away on his stomach, Jeremy lost consciousness...

_____

Jeremy regained consciousness and could sense someone beside him, he must have been moved, he blinked a few times. "Father," he whispered, "is that you?" Ross looked at him, his face drawn and tired. "Jeremy my lover," he said as he held his hand, "help will be coming my son... help is coming..." 

"Are you a dream?" Jeremy asked him, struggling to grip his arm. "Lay still my love," Ross whispered, "lay still..." Jeremy looked at him. "Father..." Jeremy gasped. "Shhhh my boy..." Ross whispers, "shhhh my darling..."

Ross helped him to take some sips of water. "Slowly," Ross whispered, "slowly..." Jeremy looked at him. "Father," he whispered slowly. "Son," he replied, "shhhh don't talk my boy..." Jeremy looked at him. "I must..." Jeremy said, "I must."

"I can't lose another child," Ross whispered, "Jeremy you must hang on, help is coming..." Jeremy looked at him. "Dwight isn't here," Jeremy said, "I am not scared..." Ross looked at him. "But I am," Ross whispered, "I have so much I want to do with you..."

"I'm going to be a father," Jeremy whispered, "her times any day now, father, will you take her to Nampara? Look after my Cuby..." Ross took his hand. "Of course I will," Ross whispered. "And my child..." Jeremy said to him. "I'll do everything I didn't do with you..." Ross whispered, Tears feely rolling down his face. 

"I forgive you papa," Jeremy whispered, "I forgive you, the time we spent together was precious, learning about steam, going to the mine, teaching me to look for tin..." Ross looked at him and nodded. "I remember you bought me bricks from London," Jeremy whispered. "I did," Ross gasped, "and tin soldiers..." Jeremy gasped in pain and then looked at him tears shining in his eyes. 

"I hope I've been a son you are proud of," Jeremy whispered. "You're going to be okay," Ross whispered, "just keep talking to me..." Jeremy looked at him. "I've always been proud of you," Ross gasped out, "from the moment you were born, until right this moment, fighting so bravely, when I found out you were promoted to captain, Jeremy my boy, I couldn't put into words how proud of a moment that was for me..." 

"You taught my heart how to love again after Julia," Ross whispered, "you let me love again..." Jeremy looked at him. "I'll give Julia a kiss from you," Jeremy whispered. Ross looked at him. "Don't talk like that my boy," Ross whispered, "Your still here, you are still with me..." 

"Mother," Jeremy said gasping more, "you tell mother I love her..." Ross nodded his words being choked by his sobs. "Clowance," he continued, "to have mine until Henry old enough..." Ross looked at him. "Shhhh," Ross choked out, "don't talk any more..."

Jeremy just looked at him with his big brown eyes as his breathing got ragged. "I love you Jeremy," Ross whispered as he put his arms around him and bought him close to him just like he did to Julia all those years ago. "Papa," Jeremy whispered, and then he took his last breath. 

Ross cried loudly as he held him tightly. "I'm so sorry for not always being there," Ross whispered and then kissed his lips slowly, "I'll be there for Cuby, for your child and for your mother..."

___

Ross held Noelle in his arms, his granddaughter, born through such horrible and heartbreaking circumstances, Cuby was distraught, Ross remembered her crying, and thought that only one person would be crying as hard and as painful as she, his wife. But this little one, was like having Jeremy again, his death had pained him, to hold both of his children that had not out lived him, pained him. 

"Your father," Ross whispered, "used to love being in here with me..." Ross looked at Noelle, Jeremy's daughter, she had brown eyes, and brown hair, and was totally beautiful to Ross, and was Demelza's pride and joy, like Jeremy healed a wound after Julia, Noelle healed a wound after Jeremy, only more for him than Demelza. 

Ross walked down to the sea with her and looked out and sighed. "My boy," Jeremy whispered to the sea, "she's here, Cuby is living with us, just like you asked, you have a daughter, Noelle as she was born at Christmas..." Noelle looked up at Ross. "Your papa would have loved you," Ross whispered, "but you have your grand papa and I won't make the same mistakes with you..." As he said that the sun popped up and the clouds cleared. Ross went to go when he felt the hand of Demelza on him. "Let's go my love," Demelza whispered, "its cold..." 

They walked back to Nampara with the sun on them, their granddaughter sleeping on her grand papa...   
____

It's not time to make a change  
Just relax, take it easy  
You're still young, that's your fault  
There's so much you have to know  
Find a girl, settle down  
If you want you can marry  
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy  
I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy  
To be calm when you've found something going on  
But take your time, think a lot  
Why, think of everything you've got  
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not  
How can I try to explain? 'Cause when I do he turns away again  
It's always been the same, same old story  
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen  
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away  
I know I have to go  
It's not time to make a change  
Just sit down, take it slowly  
You're still young, that's your fault  
There's so much you have to go through  
Find a girl, settle down  
If you want you can marry  
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy  
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside  
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it  
If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them they know not me  
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away  
I know I have to go


End file.
